Well Richie I didnt write to you on Thanksgiving but you know how I felt. How can I be thankful with you not here. I go along doing what is expected and then out of no where, doesnt matter where I am, the tears just flow. Thats when I get in my car and "we have our talks".
Little Riley has brought so much joy into our hearts; she has brought a smile to our faces again. Thank you for preparing her for this wonderful family and friends - you did good.
As the holidays are fastly approaching, people are shopping, laughing and going on with their lives. We on the other hand and just trying to make it one day at a time.
They say time heals all wounds but if I find out who "they" are, I will tell them no it doesnt, it doesnt matter if it is two years or two minutes, the pain and emptiness are the same. The only way to cope is knowing that one day we will be together again.
You are always in my heart broken as it is. Please help me understand the "physical pain" - I understand the emotional pain. We will talk again soon.
Haven't written / Dana (sister)
Dear Richie: I haven't written in a while, to be honest, it has been kinda rough lately. Riley is getting so big so quickly and it just reminds me that you are not here to share in all of this. On you birthday, she turned 6 months! How much she would have loved you. I know you are watching down over her, and me, but it just seems to be getting harder - maybe its because of the holidays coming up, her first christmas, and you won't be here. It just doesn't seem right. She was cheated out of an amazing uncle. I love you so much, Richie and miss you always. Close
As I sit yet another night with my mind going in every direction, my thoughts are of how I am going to face what would have been Richie's 28th birthday on Friday.
I dont know but for some reason the anniversary of his birthday is harder for me than the anniversary of his death - I guess it is because October 26, 1979 he was given life and July 1, 2005, he went home to God. As much as I try to see the religious part of why God calls some home earlier, I still get angry as to the why - but I must hang onto the fact that one day I will know the why.
Maureen (Brad's Mom) and I have spoken at length, cried at length and even laughed at length as to the lives touched by Brad (Brad died of leukemia four months after Richie)and Richie. One only had to be at the Beefsteak Saturday night to realize it is not the length of ones life but the quality of their life. The dinner was kind of a blur as most of the night I know for both Maureen and I, our minds drifted as we spoke to each of Brad and Richie's friends, etc. and wondered why they werent here.
I am trying this week to "be a brave soldier" but the tears come when I least expect them - so for those of you who find me quiet at times, crabby or snappy or maybe I just want to be alone, I am told this is all part of the grieving process and normal - God I dont think I will ever again know what normal is.
So I am sitting here thinking of what I could do for Richie's birthday and what he would like me to do. What he would ask me to do is not grieve him anymore and get on with my life - but I know I cant do that but I can celebrate his life by remembering what a wonderful son, one who made me laugh when things were bad, one who loved being with his family and friends and the center of attention with all his crazy stories and actions and one who had become a Man who found his niche in life. You kids will get a kick out of this, he said to me when he made Sgt., "not bad huh Ma for a kid who had to have Scott Brown tie his shoes for him as he could only do bunny ear ties" - God I miss the Richieisms.
My favor to you all is to take sometime Friday and remember your favorite Richie memory - I know by doing that, you will not feel sad for at least a moment and I know you will have a smile on your face with your special memory of him.
Go out and live your life - take chances and cherish every moment you have with your loved ones.
So in case I dont write again before Friday................................
pictures/ Jane McCarthy (Mom)
Just wondering if any of Richies former Marine or Army buddies have any pictures of him that you could email me. I am especially looking for some of him in his dress uniforms or any kind of silly ones you have.
How I used to look forward to the fall and we would go apple picking. I remember the time we took Scott along and he barfed in the car - oh how you laughed.
But I dont look forward to them anymore as your birthday is approaching and how I think of what you would be doing now, what you should be doing now. How I miss your craziness, kindness, nutiness and yes even your intenseness.
Having a rough day today especially. Please help me and know I love you more each day and miss you more.
another milestone / Dana (sister)
Well Richie, thank god today is just about over. It seems silly to "celebrate" my 30th birthday without you here. Nothing is the same and I cannot try to pretend that it is. I wished so much for you to be here today. I know you were around me - but I guess I am selfish, I want you here.
I have kinda given up "blowing out the candles" and making a wish, because the one thing I want more than anything just can't come true. What I wouldn't give for even just one more minute - one more minute to tell you how much I love you and tell you all about Riley and how much I know you would have been the best uncle ever. It kills me that you are not here for all of this.
In my wildest dreams, never did I ever think I would be turning 30 and not have you beside me.
I constantly replay the moment I found out you were gone in my head...and I just freak out inside. I still just don't understand...and I don't want you to be gone. I wish that I talked to you so many more times..... I wish that i had sent that package of corny things I made for you that was sitting on my dresser. I wish so many things....and now its too late.... and it just really fuckin sucks. I try to be positive and celebrate you.....I always tell people about you (even though people get uncomfortable)....but i dont give a shit...... I want you to live on forever......I want people to talk about you forever.....tell your stories...(whether good or bad) ha...tell your one of a kind jokes...... it just gets so hard sometimes..... I want you to be around me as much as you possibly can..... I know that you have many loved ones who really need you, so i just ask that you visit me as much as you can. I miss you so much dude. While I know that in this lifetime I will never share a relationship with anyone like you and I had.....I want to keep it that way.....because you are sacred to me, and I wouldn't ever want that to change. Since I moved, Chip and I walk past our "secret garden" all the time. I stare and smile everytime I pass just thinking about all of the fun and mischivous memories we shared. I have that picture of you with the bunny ears taped to the corner of my computer and it looks like you are smiling right at me.....it helps me through the day...it either makes me smile....or makes me cry...the guys at work probly think im a nut.....cuz my eyes are puffy and red on a regular basis....but it is all out of love...so it doenst matter.. well i just had to let you know that i think about you constantly.... and i really wish you were here.... and i miss you and love you with all of my heart and soul Rich. Please let me feel your presence. i cant wait to see you again <3 p.s. i just found the naked guy lighter you got me (cuz i got you the naked girl lighter..hehe.) love you dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!forever. shine on Close
Not sure why but last few days, I am so very weepy again. Not that any day is ok but some are worse than others. I find myself in my car daydreaming and then the tears come.
Little Riley is the best medicine and her smile is infectious - thank God she is here with us and I know you are watching over us all.
Lots of birthdays coming up, Dana, Aunt Kathy and Uncle Craig, Tara, Rachel and Uncle Richie and then yours. We try so very hard but nothing is the same; how can it be when a piece of the puzzle is forever gone.
Richie keep an eye on us all and help us to try and understand; many say we wont understand until we are all together again.
You know how much you are loved and that is my saving grace.
The beesteak for you and Brad is coming up again - one way we can all be together and remember the effect you both had on us all and you and Brad can see how much you are loved and missed.
More then a HERO / Matt Febbi (DAD)
My son, it has taken these two years of pain which followed your death for me to be able to realize a lot of things.. As I told you before your death I had realized that you had spent most of your life trying to please me. Unfortunately I never seen that until your later years. I will forever be sorry for that. I am so very PROUD of the way, despite all of the set backs And disagreements you and I had in your younger years. You kept fighting to be the best. PROUD of the way you had your friends drive you home after a graduation party. And especially Proud of your chose to stand up to those who wanted you to lie to protect there image during the booze cruise. Despite the ramifications it would have bought to your joining the Marine Corps. Proud of the letter We received from you from Marine Corps boot Camp saying were would be more then father and son We would soon be "BROTHERS." Looking back now, I have come to realize you have become far more then a "HERO" to those that knew you. To those who's life you have touched You have become" A LEGEND." And I thank God to have been able to call you My BROTHER, My HERO, My SON. Know, whenever I look at Riley when she is smiling. I see that Devilish look in here eyes. That same look that brings us all to smiles when we think of you. I am sure now without any doubt in my mind. that Riley not only has her own soul, She also lives with your soul as well. Know is the part were most people will wish you to Rest in Peace. I chose not to do that. Rather, with you and Brad up there together, I feel if necessary to wish God himself Rest in Peace. He will need it I'm sure Dad Close
Sometimes it seems so unreal that I will never again hear the phone ring at 1 a.m. and hear your voice and your telling me of another one of your funny escapades. That is I think what I miss most, your ability to make me laugh,
This past two years have not been easy and I dont believe they will get any easier - how could it with you not here to share all of our family events, good and bad. We try so hard but always at some point our faces turn blank, our eyes fill up and no words have to be said, we all know what we are thinking of - our lives without you.
Our precious little Riley has brought genuine smiles into our lives again - she is truly a gift from heaven and I know you helped pick her out!!! I promise you Richie, she will KNOW and LOVE her Uncle Richie - her very own Guardian Angel.
I finally put this picture on that Tommy did of you. I had trouble looking at it as I just cant accept that you are gone. But Tommy loved you so much and he has taken over your role as Riley's Uncle - so in honor of Tommy, I want you to see this today.
I love you Richie and today my heart, as every day, is so very broken.
Be with us all today and you and Brad keep a watch over us all.
today/ Dana (sister)
Well Richie, today is the day, Riley's christening. I know this is a happy occassion, but since the day you died I have dreaded this day. Not having you there is just unbearable. I can't begin to tell you how much I wish you were up there with us, standing as one of Riley's godparents. I always imagined when my child was baptised you would be right there. I know you will be with us - and I guess Riley is actually quite lucky - she has you as her true guardian angel. Richie, know that while we are standing up there today, I will be thinking about you. I miss you so much Richie. I promise you that Riley will know what a very lucky little girl she is to have such an amazing guardian angel. I love you so much Richie. Close
Send me a message / Jane McCarthy (Mom)
Well Richie I am sure you have seen what has been going on in the last few days - as you know, I will never again be the same. Xrays cant show a broken heart but the pain is always there.
You know what tomorrow is - maybe this year you wont have to call Dana - you will remember me on your own and "pay me a visit".
I know you will be with us on Sunday when our little angel baby is christened. She is the best medicine for us all.
Thanks for being there / Matt Febbi (Father)
Hey Rich, Well another day I have grown to hate (fathers day). Today is especially tuff. I will always fell like a father to doth Dana and to you. Yet only felling like just a half of father, with you being gone. Although, Having Riley around now sure helps us all. At least I can now look at Dana and see joy back in her face. Thank you for that and for Riley as well. I really felt you next to me yesterday as Jimmy Benoit pounded the first nail into his new home. Thanks again Buddy I love you Dad Semper Fi My Brother Close
Semper Fi.. / Kevin Ong (Marine Brother )
Febs... I just found out today... So sorry man.. It was a pleasure working with you back in the Corps.. While typing this, its bring back all the good memories we had with 1st BN 3rd Mar and while we were deployed to Okinawa... Rest in Peace brother, see you when I get there. SEMPER FI! Close
I miss you / Kelly Hurley (Friend)
hey buddy... you know i miss you and you know i think about you everyday, but for some reason it's been harder on me the past few months. I talk to you all the time and I know you hear me and help me, but recently it's not enough. I really need to see you or hear you right now. Jib catches me talking to you all the time and he even said he can feel you there, but not to be selfish... i need more right now. Please help me out buddy. And thank you for picking the beach where we are going to get married. You know I can never make up my mind so I had to come to you for help with that. And I know your Katelynn's angel too, when I brought her to see you the last time i was over there, she sat right on my lap and put her hand on your face and said Richie, so I know you help her out too. Mom said she still waits for you to come to the house to get your "Hurley hugs", man do i miss those hugs and those surprise visits from you everytime you would come home. She gets a kick out of how she knows its you ringing the door bell. Anytime we mention your name or one of us is thinking of you, sure enough the doorbell rings a few minutes later (with no one there). I just can't seem to pull it togther now a days, and I just really need you to help me out. I love you so much and can't believe how much this still hurts. I miss you babe. xoxo Close
Another Holiday / Mom (Heartbroken Mom )
My dear Richie,
Well we faced another holiday without you. The days leading up to Memorial Day this year where difficult. I was so very weepy but I know you know that I just spend my time in the car talking to you and doing my crying.
I was so fearful that I would break down at the services at each park, especially when they play taps - my mind goes back to that awful day when we buried you and taps played and we were handed the flag. But this year I just concentrated on how much you accomplished in the short time you were here and how very proud I am of the man you became.
I know you see us all when we are together and now with Riley - thank you for sending us such a perfect Angel - Dana and Rob did good. She is a blessing and gift from above.
As I stood at the parade I imagined you in your uniform standing so straight and tall and I imagined Brad in his firemens uniform smiling while driving the truck. I know you both were with us.
So Richie, we are trying but as you know it is so very difficult. I went over to see Fr. Jude after the parade for a cry and "tuneup". He is such a special man and friend - I always feel better after talking to him.
Well off to work for me but I just couldnt write to you yesterday but you know you are always in my thoughts every second and my heart broken as it is.
Come "see me tomorrow" and let me know you are OK - you know what I am referring too.
Riley/ Dana (sister)
Well Richie, Riley made her first "trip" to see you last night. Rob and I took her to the grave, although I am sure you saw us there. It was funny - Rob said she must have thought the grave next to yours was her uncle's because she was staring at that one! In a few more weeks we will have the christening - to be honest I have been dreading that day since the day you died. Not having you up there as one of Riley's godparents is just about unbearable. But, I know Riley has something not many other kids can say they have - she has a very very special guardian angel watching over her. I laugh because she is always looking over our shoulders - and ever now and then she will just smile for no reason - I am sure she is talking to you! I talk to her about you - I show her your picture and tell her that you are her uncle, but I just wish she could know just how incredible you are.
The hosting of this website is sponsored by Amy Madine This website will be here Forever, just like all the Happy Memories Rich has given us. The pain will never go away, our questions will never be answered, so all we can do is cherish the one we love with all our hearts until we join him in the heavens.